Mr. and Mrs. Elmer A.J. and the Runaway Hats
by Kathy Warnes
Mr. and Mrs. Elmer A.J. owned a hat factory. At this hat factory they made blue hats, green hats, fat hats and lean hats - tams, derbys, berets, party blue bonnets and Sunday grays - all kinds of hats.
The A.J.'s had a son named Elroy who wore a different hat to his third grade class at Brown Street School every day. On Mondays he wore a baseball hat. On Tuesdays, he wore a football helmet. On Wednesdays, he wore a stocking hat. On Thursdays, he wore a pair of earmuffs and on Fridays, he wore the baseball hat again.
One day, Elroy A.J. said, "Mom, Dad, can we make some new hats? I'm tired of wearing a baseball hat, a football helmet, a stocking hat, a pair or earmuffs, and a baseball hat all of the time."
"Let's see hat we can come up with," said Mr. Elmer A.J. He took bottles and boxes from the shelves above his sewing bench and sprayed a dash of this and a whiff of that on the hats he was sewing.
"What are you doing?" asked his wife, Mrs. Emily A.J.
"What are you doing?" cried his son, Elroy A.J.
"I'm experimenting," said Mr. Elmer A.J.
"Oh, Mr. A. J., do be careful! Sometimes experiments can be dangerous!" cried Mrs. Emily A.J.
"Don't worry. My hats are pretty and perfect and not a bit dangerous. Help me pile them on the back of the truck so we can take them to the farmer's market and sell them," said Mr. Elmer A.J.
"Dad, don't you think I should stay home from school and help you?" Elroy asked. Those hats look like they are ready to run away!"
"Run away, Pooh, Pooh, you go right to school!" said Mr. Elmer A.J. He piled hats on the back of the truck. Mr. and Mrs. A.J. dropped Elroy off at school. After they dropped him off, they pulled into the parking lot besides their factory to stack their hats. Mr. and Mrs. Elmer A.J. stacked hats and stacked hats until there were fourteen stacks of hats on the truck. There were so many stacks of hats that they spilled over the sides and back of the truck and unto the ground.
"Help me jump on the hats!" shouted Mr. Elmer A.J. "We've got to pack them down so they won't blow off the truck."
Mr. Elmer A.J. jumped up and down on the pile of hats sixteen times. Mrs. Elmer A.J. jumped up and down on the stacks of hats ten times. When the hats were squashed down, they climbed into the track and drove toward the farmer's market. As they rode, Mr. and Mrs. Elmer A.J. sang.
We’re bringing hats to buy,
A stack that reaches the sky,
Set them firmly on your head,
You can even wear them to bed!
While they were singing, the load of hats teetered back and forth and up and down. The load of hats slid sideways. Then WOOOOOOOSSSSHHHHH went the wind and the hats sailed away from the truck and blew down the main street of Derrytown.
"Galloping golashes!" hollered Mr.Elmer A.J., as red, blue,green and yellow hats flew past the truck.
"Stop the truck! We've got to catch those hats!" shouted Mrs. Elmer A.J.
With a screech and a squeal, Mr. Elmer A.J. stopped the truck. He and Mrs. Elmer A.J. jumped out and chased the hats. A red and white plumed majorette's hat sailed by. Mr. and Mrs. Elmer A.J. ran after the hat. The hat twisted and turned and twirled until it reached the playground where Miss Janey Haney, the first grade teacher, was playing with the children. Plop! The hat landed on Miss Janey Haney's head. Elroy A.J. ran up to Miss Janey Haney and tried to tug the majorette's hat off her head. It stayed firmly in place.
"My, my," said Miss Janey Haney. "I must get this marching band organized. "One, two, three, four, march!"
She lined up the children and marched them around the school yard, twirling her baton and cracking her knee joints. Elroy A.J. was the last one in line. He watched the majorette's hat.
"Stop this marching at once!" shouted Mrs. Elmer A.J.
But Miss Janey Haney kept marching and twisting until TWANG, she ran into the fence surrounding the school yard. Mr. and Mrs. Elmer A.J. pulled her away from the fence and Elroy A.J. pulled the majorette hat from her head.
"Lands sake!" Miss Janey Haney cried, snatching the baton from behind her right ear. "What am I doing here by the fence? Why are my knees snore and my feet so tired?"
Mr. and Mrs. Elmer A.J. tiptoed off, holding the majorette's hat between them. Elroy A.J. helped Miss Janey Haney back into the school building.
"I hope this is the last one," sighed Mr. Elmer A.J.
"Look at that!" shouted Mrs. Elmer A.J. as a red fireman's hat sailed by. Mr. and Mrs. Elmer A.J. chased the hat as it danced down Main Street. Herman Sherman, the town policeman, was standing on the corner of First and Main Streets, directing traffic, when THUD, the hat landed on his head, knocking off his policeman's hat.
"Dear me, I must find a fire to fight," said Herman Sherman. He grabbed a garden hose from Mr. Sidney Brown's front yard and ran up Main Street shouting, "Where's the fire? I've got to find a fire!"
"We must get that hat!" shouted Mr. Elmer A.J.
"Hurry!" shouted Mrs. Elmer A.J.
They jumped into their truck which was still sitting in the middle of Main Street, but they couldn't move. Behind it stretched a long line of cars and trucks and even a blue bus. Horns honked, babies cried, and a fat man with a red beard hollered, "Move that truck out of my way or I'll move it for you!"
"I've got to find Herman Sherman!" shouted Mr. Elmer A.J. "Herman Sherman!" he shouted. "Herman Sherman, come over here quick. The fire's over here!"
Herman Sherman charged up to them, the garden hose still in his hands. "Where's the fire?" shouted Herman Sherman. Then he saw the man with the red beard. "There's the fire!" he cried.
Herman Sherman pointed the hose at the man's red beard. Mr. and Mrs. Elmer A.J. tiptoed behind Herman Sherman to pull the hat from his head. It was at this moment that Mr. Sidney Brown decided to turn on the water and sprinkle his lawn. The hose spluttered, the hose spurted, the hose spouted water. Splish, splash went the water all over the fat man with the red beard. Gurgle, blub glub, went the water all over Mr. and Mrs. Elmer A.J. and their load of hats.
Mrs. Elmer A.J. grabbed the fire hat and pulled.
"Umphhh!" said Herman Sherman as the hat popped off.
"Why am I soaking wet? Why is all of this traffic backed up? And why is this man with the red beard shaking his fists at me?" asked Herman Sherman.
"I must take these hats back to the factory and repair them," said Mr. Elmer A.J. "I hope this is all of them."
"Dear me, there's another hat and another and another," said Mrs. Elmer A.J. She pointed to a straw bonnet, a green fedora and a gray tam blowing by. "Hurry, Mr. Elmer A.J. We must catch them before they land on someone's head!"
Mr. and Mrs. Elmer A.J. chased the runaway hats all of the way back to the hat factory. They snatched the green fedora from the head of a cow, the straw bonnet from the head of a farmer and the gray tam from the beak of a bluejay. By that time, Elroy A.J. had gotten out of school. He helped his parents pile the runaway hats high in the back of the truck.
"I'm going to sit on these hats until we get home so they can't blow away again," said Mrs. Elmer A.J.
She did.
"I'm never going to let my hats blow away again," vowed Mr. Elmer A.J.
He didn't.
"I'm going to let the hats blow away so I can chase them again," said Elroy A.J.
He did and he's still chasing them!
Mr. and Mrs. Elmer A.J. owned a hat factory. At this hat factory they made blue hats, green hats, fat hats and lean hats - tams, derbys, berets, party blue bonnets and Sunday grays - all kinds of hats.
The A.J.'s had a son named Elroy who wore a different hat to his third grade class at Brown Street School every day. On Mondays he wore a baseball hat. On Tuesdays, he wore a football helmet. On Wednesdays, he wore a stocking hat. On Thursdays, he wore a pair of earmuffs and on Fridays, he wore the baseball hat again.
One day, Elroy A.J. said, "Mom, Dad, can we make some new hats? I'm tired of wearing a baseball hat, a football helmet, a stocking hat, a pair or earmuffs, and a baseball hat all of the time."
"Let's see hat we can come up with," said Mr. Elmer A.J. He took bottles and boxes from the shelves above his sewing bench and sprayed a dash of this and a whiff of that on the hats he was sewing.
"What are you doing?" asked his wife, Mrs. Emily A.J.
"What are you doing?" cried his son, Elroy A.J.
"I'm experimenting," said Mr. Elmer A.J.
"Oh, Mr. A. J., do be careful! Sometimes experiments can be dangerous!" cried Mrs. Emily A.J.
"Don't worry. My hats are pretty and perfect and not a bit dangerous. Help me pile them on the back of the truck so we can take them to the farmer's market and sell them," said Mr. Elmer A.J.
"Dad, don't you think I should stay home from school and help you?" Elroy asked. Those hats look like they are ready to run away!"
"Run away, Pooh, Pooh, you go right to school!" said Mr. Elmer A.J. He piled hats on the back of the truck. Mr. and Mrs. A.J. dropped Elroy off at school. After they dropped him off, they pulled into the parking lot besides their factory to stack their hats. Mr. and Mrs. Elmer A.J. stacked hats and stacked hats until there were fourteen stacks of hats on the truck. There were so many stacks of hats that they spilled over the sides and back of the truck and unto the ground.
"Help me jump on the hats!" shouted Mr. Elmer A.J. "We've got to pack them down so they won't blow off the truck."
Mr. Elmer A.J. jumped up and down on the pile of hats sixteen times. Mrs. Elmer A.J. jumped up and down on the stacks of hats ten times. When the hats were squashed down, they climbed into the track and drove toward the farmer's market. As they rode, Mr. and Mrs. Elmer A.J. sang.
We’re bringing hats to buy,
A stack that reaches the sky,
Set them firmly on your head,
You can even wear them to bed!
While they were singing, the load of hats teetered back and forth and up and down. The load of hats slid sideways. Then WOOOOOOOSSSSHHHHH went the wind and the hats sailed away from the truck and blew down the main street of Derrytown.
"Galloping golashes!" hollered Mr.Elmer A.J., as red, blue,green and yellow hats flew past the truck.
"Stop the truck! We've got to catch those hats!" shouted Mrs. Elmer A.J.
With a screech and a squeal, Mr. Elmer A.J. stopped the truck. He and Mrs. Elmer A.J. jumped out and chased the hats. A red and white plumed majorette's hat sailed by. Mr. and Mrs. Elmer A.J. ran after the hat. The hat twisted and turned and twirled until it reached the playground where Miss Janey Haney, the first grade teacher, was playing with the children. Plop! The hat landed on Miss Janey Haney's head. Elroy A.J. ran up to Miss Janey Haney and tried to tug the majorette's hat off her head. It stayed firmly in place.
"My, my," said Miss Janey Haney. "I must get this marching band organized. "One, two, three, four, march!"
She lined up the children and marched them around the school yard, twirling her baton and cracking her knee joints. Elroy A.J. was the last one in line. He watched the majorette's hat.
"Stop this marching at once!" shouted Mrs. Elmer A.J.
But Miss Janey Haney kept marching and twisting until TWANG, she ran into the fence surrounding the school yard. Mr. and Mrs. Elmer A.J. pulled her away from the fence and Elroy A.J. pulled the majorette hat from her head.
"Lands sake!" Miss Janey Haney cried, snatching the baton from behind her right ear. "What am I doing here by the fence? Why are my knees snore and my feet so tired?"
Mr. and Mrs. Elmer A.J. tiptoed off, holding the majorette's hat between them. Elroy A.J. helped Miss Janey Haney back into the school building.
"I hope this is the last one," sighed Mr. Elmer A.J.
"Look at that!" shouted Mrs. Elmer A.J. as a red fireman's hat sailed by. Mr. and Mrs. Elmer A.J. chased the hat as it danced down Main Street. Herman Sherman, the town policeman, was standing on the corner of First and Main Streets, directing traffic, when THUD, the hat landed on his head, knocking off his policeman's hat.
"Dear me, I must find a fire to fight," said Herman Sherman. He grabbed a garden hose from Mr. Sidney Brown's front yard and ran up Main Street shouting, "Where's the fire? I've got to find a fire!"
"We must get that hat!" shouted Mr. Elmer A.J.
"Hurry!" shouted Mrs. Elmer A.J.
They jumped into their truck which was still sitting in the middle of Main Street, but they couldn't move. Behind it stretched a long line of cars and trucks and even a blue bus. Horns honked, babies cried, and a fat man with a red beard hollered, "Move that truck out of my way or I'll move it for you!"
"I've got to find Herman Sherman!" shouted Mr. Elmer A.J. "Herman Sherman!" he shouted. "Herman Sherman, come over here quick. The fire's over here!"
Herman Sherman charged up to them, the garden hose still in his hands. "Where's the fire?" shouted Herman Sherman. Then he saw the man with the red beard. "There's the fire!" he cried.
Herman Sherman pointed the hose at the man's red beard. Mr. and Mrs. Elmer A.J. tiptoed behind Herman Sherman to pull the hat from his head. It was at this moment that Mr. Sidney Brown decided to turn on the water and sprinkle his lawn. The hose spluttered, the hose spurted, the hose spouted water. Splish, splash went the water all over the fat man with the red beard. Gurgle, blub glub, went the water all over Mr. and Mrs. Elmer A.J. and their load of hats.
Mrs. Elmer A.J. grabbed the fire hat and pulled.
"Umphhh!" said Herman Sherman as the hat popped off.
"Why am I soaking wet? Why is all of this traffic backed up? And why is this man with the red beard shaking his fists at me?" asked Herman Sherman.
"I must take these hats back to the factory and repair them," said Mr. Elmer A.J. "I hope this is all of them."
"Dear me, there's another hat and another and another," said Mrs. Elmer A.J. She pointed to a straw bonnet, a green fedora and a gray tam blowing by. "Hurry, Mr. Elmer A.J. We must catch them before they land on someone's head!"
Mr. and Mrs. Elmer A.J. chased the runaway hats all of the way back to the hat factory. They snatched the green fedora from the head of a cow, the straw bonnet from the head of a farmer and the gray tam from the beak of a bluejay. By that time, Elroy A.J. had gotten out of school. He helped his parents pile the runaway hats high in the back of the truck.
"I'm going to sit on these hats until we get home so they can't blow away again," said Mrs. Elmer A.J.
She did.
"I'm never going to let my hats blow away again," vowed Mr. Elmer A.J.
He didn't.
"I'm going to let the hats blow away so I can chase them again," said Elroy A.J.
He did and he's still chasing them!